The Theology of Toys

  • Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
  • Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.
  • Judaism - He who buys toys at the lowest price, wins.
  • Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
  • Anglican - They were our toys first.
  • Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.
  • Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
  • Atheism - There is no toy maker. 
  • Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
  • Evolutionism - The toys made themselves. 

  • Church of Christ, Scientist - We are the toys.
  • Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to the
    opposite of heaven if we catch you selling yours.
  • Bahai- All toys are just fine with us.
  • Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
  • Taoism - The doll is as important as the dumptruck.
  • Mormonism - Every boy may have as many toys as he wants.
  • Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second...
  • Hedonism - Hang the rule book! Let's play!
  • 7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday, loses.
  • Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.
  • Baptist - Once played always played.
  • Jehovah's Witnesses - He who "places" the most toys door-to-door, wins.
  • Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.
  • Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
  • Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in water, it is no longer dry.
  • Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play.

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