Following Extract from A Monk's Alphabet by Jeremy Driscoll.O.S.B.
" I have this intuition about my death and how it will occur- not its circumstances but rather the framework in which it will unfold. It will be my entering into that bright darkness of Jesus' own dying in which He experienced an abandonment by the Father and yet from its depths expressed His own abandonment into the hands of the Father , calling out His name "Father" to the very last.
So would I die; and I pray, " Jesus, grant me this grace.
It seems to me that perhaps every death moves in varying proportions between these two poles, the sense of abandonment and the trustful invocation; and for myself I do not know in which direction I shall be inclined more to lean.
In one sense I feel strongly the desire to let my death be a joyful offering, "Father, into your hands I commend my spirit...... " And yet when the time comes, it is difficult to know how it will be. Christ may ask of me some deep sharing in His own sense of being abandoned...........
But I know also that I will have Him with me , and I will have the knowledge of resurrection, accomplished and already tasted, as my hope and guide......"